I remember when I was a shy boy in school, I wouldn't get up in front of anyone and speak my mind. Oh how I have changed , but yet still have stayed shy. The Internet has given me a safe zone to vent my feelings. I can easily go on YouTube and make a couple videos a day. I still am reluctant to get in front of others and let my true feelings be known. But now at least I can and will do it in front of people that I am moderately comfortable with.
I am in need of more challenges and inspiration. I am thinking of what I want to do and thinking that I have to seize this time to do just that. I want to be stronger, bolder, smarter, and better than what I am today. What is the one thing that is stopping me... fear of failure. I do not want to mess something up that is so important to me, so I stand in the safe zone taking baby steps.
I would love to work with a group of people and build something to strengthen the local pagan community. But I have control issues and I don't want to become what I hate the most. The self-titled leader of a group that does more harm that good.
I currently joined a nice open circle and I have the opportunity to lead a ritual. I am very interested in doing this. But there is that fear, what ifs pop up out of nowhere. I know I have the ability to do a ritual, I have done the research , I have the desire. I just have to grow here and tell myself to do just that. Seize the moment and expand my horizons even more. Some of the well established pagan leaders that we are blessed with have been nervous before their first group ritual. This is normal and I can do this. And I shall do this.
We are our own biggest critic and enemy. We set our own limits. I have been told that I am very knowledgeable about paganism. I have been told that I could lead an online group. I have been told that my videos are inspiring. I have people ask me questions about paganism and I love doing the research and helping them. Sometimes I need to ignore that inside voice and trust the voices of those around me that I have respect for. We grow when we remove the barriers that we have in place. And there is the old adage that says it best.." Nothing ventured, nothing earned." Time to grow and time to make an adventure.
Which brings me back to the poem by Frost. Now I take the road less travelled, and in the end it will make all the difference.
